I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
