Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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