there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
