I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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