I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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