I puked a lego.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
