Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
