Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
