Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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