I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
