my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
