Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
