I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
