Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
