True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
