My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
