I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well you can't waste a boner
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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