hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
