found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
