She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
