I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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