And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
