why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
