capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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