Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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