I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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