Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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