toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
