the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
