Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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