I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to make out with him forever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
