we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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