New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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