girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
