sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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