i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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