i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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