it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
