3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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