Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
