yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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