I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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