life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
