did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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