Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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