instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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