Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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