If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
