Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
