Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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