She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
