Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
